Money, Food & Sex. These are the common denominators for stress, anxiety, and overall suffering in life.
This is not meant to over-simplify things, but if you really think about this, it’s true! So if we can clear out our resistance to money, food, and sex, we are in great shape to live a better life!
So this week, we’re going to talk about Money. I know, some of you are already groaning and wanting to close this up right now. But please don’t. Because if that is your response, you need to hear this the most! Money is not bad. Money is not evil. It is just a Tool.
Women and money have a long history of a negative or even a nonexistent relationship. Going back decades upon decades, women have been told that money is not for them to worry about, to create, to imagine, or certainly not to save or invest. We were the nurturers and home makers….not the earners of the tribes, villages, or homes. So don’t be hard on yourself if you don’t feel comfortable with money. It’s been ingrained in you since before you were even born!
But now you are older and wiser. And you are generating your own money! So putting your head in the sand is not responsible and it is not empowering. It’s time to re-introduce yourself to money. Our relationship to it will determine how you use it, or how it will use you in your life.
Growing up, my parents never discussed money in our home. I had no idea if we were wealthy or poor. But I had everything I needed, so I didn’t worry. They also told me to ‘pay myself first’, but I had no idea what that meant! So, by the time I was 16, I got a credit card and started my personal shopping spree. I shopped all of the time. It made me happy. Stressed about a test coming up? Buy a new sweater! Bored because I don’t want to study? Buy a new pair of jeans! You see the pattern. By the time I was in my mid-20’s I was swimming in debt. I had a full time job, but it didn’t cover my living expenses and the amount I was spending overall.
I paid my minimum payment each month and on time. I had carried credit card debt for so long now that I just saw it like a car payment or mortgage. It was something I would always have on my back. Since this seemed so normal to me, the thousands of dollars in debt didn’t stress me out in the least. Until it became so large that even I couldn’t ignore it anymore.
This was about the time I got divorced. Together we were $50,000 in debt….not student debt mind you….just silly, overspending, ridiculous debt. So at 31, I was starting my life over as a divorced woman and had my portion of $35,000 to repay. So what did I do?
I ignored it. I was in such pain from my divorce that I spent even more. I went on trips to see friends, I dined out several evenings a week, and yes, I continued shopping.
Thankfully, I eventually met a spiritual teacher who I worked with for 7 years that helped re-introduce me to money. As they say, when you are ready, the teacher appears.
What I learned was that I didn’t believe I deserved money! So I used it, but kept it at a distance. I had hoped to create a life equal to the one I had growing up, but I had put a ceiling on what I thought I should and could earn. Crazy right? And yet, it is 100% true.
I went through a lot of internal work to shift my relationship to money. But the one book that really helped me see the light is, “The Soul of Money” by Lynn Twist. In it, she talks about money being a Tool. And that money is like a river that flows through you. It’s not about the accumulation of it, but how you use it that matters. If you struggle with money at all, I highly recommend the book. It changed my life.
I got myself out of debt just before my 40th birthday. And since then, I have accumulated wealth for myself and my family (and have zero debt!). Money is a tool that can help you achieve goals and dreams. And there is enough here for us all. We live in an abundant world, not one of lack. So start the internal work to allow its flow through you. Believe that you deserve it (because you do!). And receive it all so that you can enjoy your time here while also helping others get there too. After all, we are all students and teachers here.
When you decide that money holds no power over you, that it is truly just a tool and that you can turn the flow of it on in your life; well then, you are about to experience a large shift. And as someone who has experienced it, I am so excited for you!! If I can do it, so can you!
You can Emerge Positive!