Some days I feel like I’m running a small company called “Everyone’s Needs.”
Kids. Parents. Work. Life.
And somehow… I’m last.
The Sandwich Generation in Midlife: Why This Season Feels So Heavy
They call us the Sandwich Generation. And wow—does it fit.
If you feel this way too, it doesn’t mean you’re failing—it means you’re carrying a lot.
If you’re part of the sandwich generation in midlife—caring for kids and aging parents—this is your reminder that burnout and guilt are signals for support, not proof you’re failing.
What the Sandwich Generation Really Feels Like (Kids, Parents, Work, and You)
We’ve reached a point in life where we’re still taking care of our kids… and our parents are starting to need us too.
And let’s not forget… we also have our own lives: a job, a spouse, a pet, a home—plus everything midlife is throwing at us: perimenopause/menopause, weight gain, hot flashes, sleep deprivation, and mood swings… to name a few.
Just typing that makes my head spin right off.
I hear from many women who are also bearing the weight of all of these responsibilities, stresses, and guilt. And some days, it makes you want to scream, hide, or pour another glass of wine.
But remember…this is a season. It’s not your personal failure. It’s just a time of life. Certainly different from just becoming a mom or having young children to care for.
And my friends whose parents have passed, will remind me that it is a blessing to be here.
But that doesn’t make it easy.
I’m tired. I know you’re tired too. Some days it feels like it will never slow down. That’s when we have to pause—not because we’re weak, but because we’re human.
It’s emotionally difficult to be in this place—like emotional whiplash… loving the people who matter most to us, both up and down the line.
Even though our kids are growing (or out of the house) we are still parenting them. Many are still on our health insurance or other bills. Many are still living at home because they can’t afford to live anywhere else.
Midlife Caregiving Stress: When Your Parents Start Needing You More
And while parenting them, we also have parents who are struggling more with life changes, disease, finances, memory struggles and trying to keep up with technology; mobile phones, smart TVs, computers… you name it. And just getting them to a doctor’s appointment can be stressful.
We don’t live in the same world or environment that they did as young adults. So empathy is needed. And when we’re stressed out and pulled in multiple directions, sometimes empathy is difficult to muster up.
And all the while we are watching our parents age and struggle with that, while we still need them too. Those dealing with serious diseases like cancer, diabetes, Alzheimer’s or dementia add additional stress, guilt, and grief.
Caregiver Guilt in Midlife: Why It Shows Up (Even When You’re Doing Your Best)
Watching a parent age can be extremely hard….emotionally. The grief and anger that come up are real. And no matter how hard we try, those feelings continue to surface. Sometimes at the most inconvenient times. Sometimes directly at our parents.
And that’s when the guilt appears.
This I know very well. My anger and guilt have been surprising to me. But they show up, and often.
I don’t live near my parents….I’m clear across the country. And I wear guilt all of the time for not being present. No amount of phone calls fills in. And although they are doing well on their own right now, I can’t help but mentally look down the road of what is coming.
And how do you prepare for that? Emotionally, financially, or otherwise?
And then there’s the guilt of not spending enough time with your own kids, or your spouse, or taking time for yourself.
We get upset when we don’t have the time we need (and we do need it). But when the stress and guilt show up, our self-care goes right to the back burner… and all that talk of New Year’s resolutions and self-improvement disappears.
Guilt does not mean you’re doing something wrong.
It usually means you’re doing too much without the support you need.
Read that twice.
And through all of this, it’s almost impossible not to ask ourselves how we will be when we arrive in our 80’s or 90’s: What will our life look like? Will we be in good health? What challenges will we have?
And that’s when fear sneaks in—because suddenly it’s not just about their future.
It’s about ours.
What to Do When You’re Exhausted: Boundaries and Self-Care for the Sandwich Generation
Midlife is an invitation to redefine yourself.
Because what we do today is creating our future. How we eat, whether we exercise or not, and whether we take care of our mindset. Our future self is completely dependent on what we choose to do today.
Self-care is not optional anymore. The rubber has hit the road. And if we’re going to walk with grace (or just survive), we have to see self-care as a non-negotiable. It’s a boundary we must insist on for ourselves.
Boundaries aren’t rejection. They’re love.
They protect your energy so you can show up with more patience, not more resentment.
A 10-Minute Morning Routine for Midlife Self-Care (EP Morning Routine)
Here’s a good place to start:
EP Morning Routine — 10 minutes. Not an hour. Ten minutes.
- 2 minutes: breathe with your hand on your heart
- 3 minutes: journal one sentence: “Today I need…”
- 5 minutes: step outside / stretch / quiet coffee with no phone
Then choose one:
- Create one small boundary (even just for today)
- Ask for help (send one text: “Can you help me with ___ this week?”)
- Talk with a friend (don’t hold it alone)
- Join Beyond by Emerge Positive™ if you want a community of women in this exact season
You don’t need to do this season perfectly.
You just need to stay present with yourself inside it.
So let me ask you: what’s one small thing you can do today to soothe your soul and make the day a little easier?
The Sandwich Generation is a mirror—it shows us who we are when life gets heavy.
Let’s choose to show up with empathy, love, and patience… including for ourselves.
👉If you’re in this season too, hit reply (or comment) with one word: “sandwich.”
I’ll send you a little encouragement.
You Can Emerge Positive.
Positively,
Deanne
