There’s a quiet shift that happens in midlife—one we don’t talk about nearly enough. Friendships change. Not because anyone did something wrong, but because we’re changing.
As we grow, heal, and become more intentional about how we want to live, some relationships naturally fall out of alignment.
And when it happens, it can feel like grief—because it is.
While no one prepares us for the confusion that can come with that, it doesn’t mean we’ve failed at friendship. Sometimes it simply means we’re stepping into a new chapter—and not everyone is meant to come with us.
The past five years have brought a bit of a social drought for me.
COVID kicked that theme off and it continued during a high-stress season for our family.
Without meaning to, I built a smaller life—and it slowly became my normal.
And it became comfortable. Leaving home was a big deal. And socializing? That was almost unthinkable.
Now mind you, I am a social being. I love being around people…especially my people.
But I changed. I know that we all do. As we grow older, our priorities change. Our bodies change, which impacts our hobbies and level of activity.
In my case, we also have a teenager and we are so focused on the limited time we have left as a family. It drives most of our decisions. And I don’t think that’s a bad thing. Life is filled with seasons…and we are in the season of family over friendships.
But do we need to choose?
Maybe in some seasons we prioritize family—but we don’t have to abandon connection.
I don’t remember consciously shutting out my friends at all. But the reality is, my social life has dramatically changed. And I wasn’t aware when that occurred. It just slowly and quietly happened.
Do you notice a shift in your friendships?
- Who feels easy to be with?
- Who drains me after I see them?
- Who do I miss—and why?
Life creates seasons for each of us. And sometimes friends are not part of that new season.
It doesn’t mean the friendship went bad. It just means you (and they) are both growing. Sometimes in opposite directions. And that can be very difficult, sad, and even confusing.
We all know the heartache of a romantic relationship coming to an end. But we don’t talk about our friendships ending. Girlfriends we have had in our life perhaps for our entire lives.
The ending is incredibly hard. I’ve been there too. It’s just as difficult (if not more so) than a boyfriend leaving.
There is nothing like a trusted girlfriend. They hold you up when life is heavy. They are a sounding board, a wise teacher, a source of comfort and laughter. They’re someone we can be our true self with, without judgment.
Do you have someone in your life who checks those boxes?
If so, you are blessed. Call that friend today and tell them how much they mean to you.
As we enter into midlife, I think we gain clarity. Clarity about what really matters. Clarity about where and who we will spend our precious time. Because time is something we are all so aware of now.
Just because you have history doesn’t mean you share common ground with who you are today. And that’s ok…we aren’t meant to stay the same. We are here to expand, grow, and change! It’s hard enough to do that with a spouse, much less with a circle of friends.
So if you have outgrown a friendship, it’s ok to be sad, but be thankful for the time you did have together. And then focus on those friendships that serve you today.
We all need friends…at least one good friend that we can call, vent, and laugh with…especially in midlife.
My husband and I have agreed to host six dinner parties this year that are meant to stretch our social muscle and meet new friends.
We’re doing it because we don’t want to look up and realize we’ve been alone in our own lives.
What are you doing to create new friendships?
As you are moving forward this year, don’t forget about the importance of friendship. But be choosy…spend your time with those who love you, support you, and lift you up. Friendships should increase your energy and fill you up—not drain you.
Some friendships are for a season. The right ones don’t punish your growth—they celebrate it.
Life is too short for drama and negativity.
You can Emerge Positive!
Positively,
Deanne
