I have become acutely aware of my dwindling patience and kindness when I’m out in public.
I can be running errands — a totally normal, everyday occurrence — and my calm, happy switch will go from 0 to 90 in a second.
One short delay.
A car cutting me off.
Someone standing too close.
Or breathing too loudly.
And suddenly I can feel the negative retort moving through my head.
Is that anger?
Why am I so irritated?
I’ve never been like this before. What is going on?
I leave the house feeling calm and come back feeling like I need a warning label.
Are you going through this too?
Well, I’m happy to share that this isn’t a personality flaw.
It’s biology.
You’re Not Wrong – So Let Go of the Shame
When my anger erupts, I don’t feel like myself. I don’t even recognize this version of me.
And yet, it shows up more and more lately.
I get annoyed so easily. Delays are the worst. I mean… what could possibly be taking so long?
That irritation quickly turns into frustration — and sometimes even anger.
My fuse, which used to be a mile long, now feels like seconds. (My poor husband.)
Even little things — like the dishwasher not being run or being loaded incorrectly — can hit me the wrong way.
And honestly… who really cares how the dishwasher is loaded?
(Answer: me. Apparently. When I’m dealing with this.)
I’ve literally asked myself: Am I becoming a bitch?
No. And you aren’t either.
We’re becoming less buffered.
Midlife is a hard place to be. But it doesn’t make us mean — it removes our tolerance for what no longer fits.
(Or what is completely annoying.)
What’s Actually Going On (A Very Short Science Moment)
Here’s the not-so-sexy but very real reason this is happening.
During perimenopause and menopause, estrogen and progesterone begin to fluctuate and decline — and those hormones play a big role in how calm, patient, and emotionally steady we feel.
Estrogen helps support serotonin, our feel-good brain chemical. When estrogen drops, it can become harder to regulate mood, stress, and irritation. Things that once rolled off your back suddenly… don’t.
Progesterone has a naturally calming effect on the nervous system. As it decreases, that emotional “buffer” we used to have gets thinner. Translation: less chill.
At the same time, our stress hormone cortisol becomes more influential. The brain becomes more reactive, which means everyday annoyances — traffic, grocery stores, slow walkers, loud talkers — can feel surprisingly intense.
So if you’re wondering why your fuse feels shorter or your patience feels nonexistent, it’s not a personality shift or a personal failing.
It’s biology. And it’s very real.
The Emotional Truth Behind Irritation
I don’t know about you, but I often find myself asking, What’s wrong with me?
Instead, we should be asking: What is this telling me?
We need to listen to our bodies, our emotions, and how we’re actually feeling. And we need to give ourselves grace… every. single. day.
It’s okay.
We are not meant to be perfect.
We are meant to learn and grow — and that includes what’s happening within us during perimenopause and post-menopause.
So yes, some compassion is in order.
Ask yourself:
- What am I tolerating that I’m tired of?
- Where am I overstimulated?
- What am I carrying that no one sees?
Sometimes just naming this is helpful. And even better — making small changes that support you.
Stop tolerating what drains you.
Figure out how to reduce overstimulation.
Set boundaries.
We can’t carry it all.
And when anger shows up, try to see it differently.
Anger is often a boundary being crossed.
Frustration is usually overload.
It’s information — a signal to tweak what’s happening.
When I really pause and look at it, I often realize I’m stressed… but I didn’t even notice it until my body forced me to.
Maybe that’s because we’re all carrying more than we need to.
This is a Transition – Not a Regression
For me, I’ve been in this ‘season of change’ for many years now. And frankly… I’m done with it.
I’m tired of the extra weight, the brain fog, the moodiness, the hot flashes, and the poor sleep.
I mean, come on — we need sleep!
I’m also tired of pretending I feel fine.
I don’t.
This doesn’t feel like me.
This doesn’t feel like my body.
And yet, the truth is this is a season.
Temporary — not forever.
(Even when it feels endless.)
On the hard days, remember this:
You are not alone.
You are not broken.
You are simply moving through the next stage of your life.
With grace most days.
Okay… some days.
Practical, In-the-Moment Support
Here are a few things you can do when the accidental bitch shows up:
- Pause before reacting — even one breath helps
- Lower stimulation
- Fewer errands in one trip
- Music instead of silence
- Fewer errands in one trip
- Name it internally
- “This is hormones + stress. I don’t need to act on this.”
- “This is hormones + stress. I don’t need to act on this.”
- Give yourself permission
- Grace over guilt
- It’s okay to leave the store
- It’s okay not to engage
- Grace over guilt
An Invitation to You
Ask yourself: Where in your life do you need more ease right now?
Then consider what you can do to reduce the stress around it.
Who can you ask for help?
What deadlines can be extended or changed?
(I personally set make-believe deadlines that I stress about. Do you? Maybe fewer deadlines is a great place to start.)
Three of the most important things you can do for yourself:
Awareness.
Be in tune with yourself. Don’t ignore how you’re feeling or continue putting yourself on the back burner.
Self-respect.
Your words and actions show how you truly feel about yourself. Are you constantly making yourself wrong? Pushing yourself to do everything, all the time? You deserve peace — and it’s your responsibility to create it.
Listen to your body.
Don’t fight it. Don’t disconnect from it. If your energy is low, slow your pace. Choose gentle movement like walking or yoga. Stop holding yourself to unrealistic expectations.
We need to learn to love ourselves — and our bodies. That alone can upgrade your life in ways that are almost unimaginable.
This season of life is special. We have experience, wisdom, and the awareness to intentionally create our next decade in a joyful and meaningful way.
So let’s do it.
And if the accidental bitch rolls in from time to time?
That’s okay.
Smile. Chuckle. Keep moving forward.
You know better now.
You Can Emerge Positive.
Positively,
Deanne
